I wanted to give you all an update. I have decided to go with my plan of taking a break from trying to conceive. Which, so far has proved to be a great decision. I felt that I was loosing sight of what is important (focusing on what I do have) and I was spending too much time and energy on wishing, hoping, and praying on the ever present question, "Am I pregnant or not?". I began to take for granted all the wonderful things in my life (my husband, my son, my wonderful family) and I was spending way too much time harping on what I didn't. I have so much to be thankful for and this whole experience has really humbled me.
We haven't decided when or IF we will try again. We are going to enjoy our summer and if we feel like the time is right, we'll try again.
I feel like we made the best decision to not go from frozen embryo transfer 4 straight to 5. My doctor keeps telling me every month that I could just continue without waiting, that my body will not be negatively effected, but it is not my body that has been feeling the strain. Mentally and emotionally, I needed a break. I am now doing the things that I have had on hold for the past five months (going out, eating what I want, having the occasional glass of wine, and just being my normal, not pregnant self).
I know that our journey of trying to conceive is not over. My son needs a sibling. He needs someone that understands exactly what he means when he wants to complain about his parents getting on his nerves, someone to be a big brother to, and someone to have holidays with when Darren and I are long gone. So, I will not give up on giving that to him, but I will take a little break from it and come back to it in the future when I am mentally healthy enough to do so.
~Mom to one.
