7 days past 5 day transfer

Today I tried to keep myself busy all day. I took my munchkin to the farm.
I don't know what the clown face painting children had to do with the animals, but it was fun for him, so I just went with it. It was also a huge distraction for me. I was able to take a little vaction from crazy town, my own am I pregnant??????? thoughts. But, now I am home.....so.......





So, here we are at 7 days past my 5 day transfer. Today would be a great day to begin POAS (peeing on a stick-pregnancy test), but I am still terrified. Since the day of the transfer I was counting down the hours until I got to this point (the point of being able to test and get a very accurate result). Now that I am here, I am still not ready. If I do it and it says "not pregnant", than frozen embryo transfer #3 is over. And the screaming into my pillow while wailing my arms and legs like a two year old will begin. I know that I will also want to stop my meds, but I will have to continue until my official results, just in case by some miracle of god the "not pregnant" may be wrong. And I know you may be thinking, "oh, don't think like that, think positive", but if you have done this every month since the end of January, it would also be very hard for you to envision that clear blue easy saying "pregnant". I know that it will happen, since it has happened before (with my son), but it is hard to feel the benefits of the struggle, while you are still in the struggle.

Rewinding to an hour ago, I was watching, "I didn't know I was pregnant" (because whenever I want to get pregnant I become obsessed with everything baby) and my son came in the room and begins watching it for a second. He looks at me and goes, "Mommy, you have a baby in you tummy". after replying, "no" (I wouldn't dare tell my son about any of this until we are 200% sure it all will work out), I asked him if he wants mommy to have a baby and he says, "yes a cute little baby sister or brother". And it took all the strength I had to not just break down into tears. All I could say was, "no, Papa".

Well, I'm secretly hoping that god is hearing my prayers and my little guys wishes for mommy. And I am remembering what my friend told me yesterday and pushing through another day.

-Still possibly preggo