9dp5dt

Today is 9 days after my frozen embryo transfer. This morning I woke up and decided that I could not wait until monday. I decided that I would rather find out the news by peeing on a stick in the privacy of my bathroom rather than listening to my doctor tell me over the phone on Monday. so....the results are in......a big fat ....."not pregnant".

On Monday my doctor is going to ask me if I would like to "take a break" or continue onto the next cycle. At this point, I don't know what I am going to do. Maybe I should just look at all of these failed cycles as a sign. Maybe god is showing me that he gave me the child that he wanted me to have and that I need to just be content with what I have. I am going to just keep praying on it and hope that the answer finds me.

I am still on all of my meds. I will stay on the regiment that my doctor has assigned until the offical blood test on Monday. However, I can feel it in my heart, body, and mind that the clear blue easy was correct.

Trying to remind myself that "god will give me the right one at the right time" or maybe he has already and maybe he is telling me that the one he gave me is all I need. Either way, I am not devastated. Disappointed, yes, but not devastated and feeling truly blessed. I will not harp on what I do not have, but appreciate all that I do have (my perfect son, my wonderful family, my super supportive husband, and great friends).

-Mother to one

7 days past 5 day transfer

Today I tried to keep myself busy all day. I took my munchkin to the farm.
I don't know what the clown face painting children had to do with the animals, but it was fun for him, so I just went with it. It was also a huge distraction for me. I was able to take a little vaction from crazy town, my own am I pregnant??????? thoughts. But, now I am home.....so.......





So, here we are at 7 days past my 5 day transfer. Today would be a great day to begin POAS (peeing on a stick-pregnancy test), but I am still terrified. Since the day of the transfer I was counting down the hours until I got to this point (the point of being able to test and get a very accurate result). Now that I am here, I am still not ready. If I do it and it says "not pregnant", than frozen embryo transfer #3 is over. And the screaming into my pillow while wailing my arms and legs like a two year old will begin. I know that I will also want to stop my meds, but I will have to continue until my official results, just in case by some miracle of god the "not pregnant" may be wrong. And I know you may be thinking, "oh, don't think like that, think positive", but if you have done this every month since the end of January, it would also be very hard for you to envision that clear blue easy saying "pregnant". I know that it will happen, since it has happened before (with my son), but it is hard to feel the benefits of the struggle, while you are still in the struggle.

Rewinding to an hour ago, I was watching, "I didn't know I was pregnant" (because whenever I want to get pregnant I become obsessed with everything baby) and my son came in the room and begins watching it for a second. He looks at me and goes, "Mommy, you have a baby in you tummy". after replying, "no" (I wouldn't dare tell my son about any of this until we are 200% sure it all will work out), I asked him if he wants mommy to have a baby and he says, "yes a cute little baby sister or brother". And it took all the strength I had to not just break down into tears. All I could say was, "no, Papa".

Well, I'm secretly hoping that god is hearing my prayers and my little guys wishes for mommy. And I am remembering what my friend told me yesterday and pushing through another day.

-Still possibly preggo

Here are some informational websites about IVF.

http://www.ivf-infertility.com/ivf/blastocysts.php
This is a site that give information on IVF.


http://www.ivf.ca/fet5dayduedate.php
This is a cool site that allows you to calculate your due date based on your blast transfer date.

http://www.advancedfertility.com/cryo.htm
Another site about IVF, cryopreservation, and FET.

To test or not to test

Feeling kinda weird today. I know they say  to try and stay positive and give out positive energy, but how do you override the negative thoughts that creep into your head?

I still have not POAS (peed on a stick-preggo test). My blood test is Monday. During my previous frozen embryo transfers, I did at home pregnancy tests. All of them were accurate. The blood test I had a few days later confirmed what the pregnancy test had already told me. So, when the doctor's office called to give me "the call", I already knew what they would tell me. In a way, it was nice knowing, but the finding out by myself in my bathroom was torture. So, I still don't know if I'm going to do the at home before the blood test or if I am going to just wait for my doctor to call me Monday afternoon (while I'm at work-isn't that great).

My best friend just text me to see if I took one of the tests that we bought yesterday. I have been trying not to think about it. I continue to be in blissful ignorance today. The reality is that I am just too scared to know right now. Today is 6 days past my 5 day frozen embryo transfer. I have a very good chance of getting an accurate test today if I chose to do it, but I am not ready. Maybe it's superstition since I did it the first two cycles and we all can see that the results did not end up the way that I wanted them to. So, I guess I am nervous that POAS is linked to negative results. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but I think I left my sanity behind two frozen embryo cycles ago.

I just spoke to a friend that I have not talked to in a while. She was asking about things and when I told her about my adventure she told me something that I will never forget and that I will try to remember when I having that "I've lost all hope" type of feeling. She said, "God is going to pick the right one for you at the right time". We were talking about how this is my third try and how it just happened so easily with my son (one embryo and one frozen embryo cycle). That one statement from her really helped to put things into perspective for me.

So, on that note I am going to have faith that god is going to pick the right one for me at the right time. And if that time is not now, it wasn't the right one.

-possibly preggo

5dp5dt- FET #3

April 10, 2012

Today is five days past my five day transfer. I went in last Thursday and Dr. P implanted one grade 2 blast. Why only one you may be thinking? Well on top of my infertility issues, I also have an incompetent cervix. So, my body could not possibly handle more than one baby at a time. This is frozen embryo transfer number 3. We began trying in January. The first FET ended in a chemical pregnancy. The second cycle resulted in a BFN. And this cycle......waiting to see what the future holds.

Today I went with my best friend and our children (I have a son from a successful FET 5 years ago) to the mall. I bought a box of clear blue easy pregnancy tests. I am so nervous to test. I bought them because I want to know. The not knowing is killing me since I'm such a control freak, but I know that once I POAS I will continue to do it every day up until my Beta (4/16/12). I know that today is very early, so I am going to hold off on POAS today, but I cannot say what tomorrow will bring.

I want to know already if I am preggos or not, but I am so scared to know the truth. If I see that BFN, I will be very disappointed. I am in ignorant bliss right now. The possibility that I could be is so inviting and exciting right now.

Well.....until tomorrow.....

-Possibly preggo