To test or not to test

Feeling kinda weird today. I know they say  to try and stay positive and give out positive energy, but how do you override the negative thoughts that creep into your head?

I still have not POAS (peed on a stick-preggo test). My blood test is Monday. During my previous frozen embryo transfers, I did at home pregnancy tests. All of them were accurate. The blood test I had a few days later confirmed what the pregnancy test had already told me. So, when the doctor's office called to give me "the call", I already knew what they would tell me. In a way, it was nice knowing, but the finding out by myself in my bathroom was torture. So, I still don't know if I'm going to do the at home before the blood test or if I am going to just wait for my doctor to call me Monday afternoon (while I'm at work-isn't that great).

My best friend just text me to see if I took one of the tests that we bought yesterday. I have been trying not to think about it. I continue to be in blissful ignorance today. The reality is that I am just too scared to know right now. Today is 6 days past my 5 day frozen embryo transfer. I have a very good chance of getting an accurate test today if I chose to do it, but I am not ready. Maybe it's superstition since I did it the first two cycles and we all can see that the results did not end up the way that I wanted them to. So, I guess I am nervous that POAS is linked to negative results. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but I think I left my sanity behind two frozen embryo cycles ago.

I just spoke to a friend that I have not talked to in a while. She was asking about things and when I told her about my adventure she told me something that I will never forget and that I will try to remember when I having that "I've lost all hope" type of feeling. She said, "God is going to pick the right one for you at the right time". We were talking about how this is my third try and how it just happened so easily with my son (one embryo and one frozen embryo cycle). That one statement from her really helped to put things into perspective for me.

So, on that note I am going to have faith that god is going to pick the right one for me at the right time. And if that time is not now, it wasn't the right one.

-possibly preggo