The last time I wrote was about 13 weeks ago. Sooooooo....much has happened. Well, I never did get back to work like I hoped. I went from two weeks of modified bedrest to lay down and only get up for bathroom/shower bedrest. I was on that type of bedrest until last Wednesday when my water broke@27 weeks. That was absolutely terrifying!! This whole time we have been so worried and focused on my cervix and then my water goes and breaks for reasons I still do not know.
Just to recap our struggle: 5 failed frozen embryo transfers. Then, 1 successful fresh IVF cycle, which resulted in this pregnancy, cerclage at 15 weeks to prevent my cervix from opening prematurely, 12 weeks of @home bedrest, water broke at 27 weeks. Now currently 28 weeks, 5 days and I am on hospital bedrest. Not only did we try to conceive for about a year before actually conceiving, but when we finally did, it has been one road block after another. How many challenges can one pregnancy have?
Some times I feel that god is trying to tell us that if it was in his plan for us to have another child, he would have let me conceive it naturally. That he is trying to tell us that this was not supposed to be. But then other times, I realize that if this was not in god's plan for us, he would not let it be in the first place. That if he did not want me to be the mother to another child, then he would not have allowed our embryo to implant in the first place. That all that we are going through is to teach us some lesson or to make us appreciate his gifts even more. I don't know, I guess at the end of all of this, I will have a clearer view of it all.
All I do know is that through it all...challenge after challenge, god is allowing this pregnancy to go on against all odds. I consider my first son my "miracle baby" since he was conceived with IVF and I almost lost him at 17 weeks due to my incompetent cervix, but then went on to carrying him until 38 weeks. But this kid I'm carrying right here, he is a fighter. My water has been broken for 9 days and he continues to thrive in my belly with a strong heartbeat and several very hard kicks all day long with little to no fluid around him, at times.
At this point, you may be just as confused as I was about my water breaking and 9 days later...still pregnant. In my eyes, that's nothing short of a miracle. From television and from stories of friends and family members who have had babies, when your water breaks.....here comes baby. But, to my surprise, preterm premature rupture of membranes does not always lead to active labor. It's like it happens accidentally and unless you show signs of an infection, they very rarely know what caused it exactly. And that is the case for me. I was bleeding for a reason I still do not have the answer to and then two days later my water broke for a reason I still do not have the answer to. According to the amazing doctors at Stony Brook University Hospital, they have had women who have come in with PPROM and have lasted weeks without their fluid.
When I entered the hospital they told me that each day that my little one has inside me increases his chances of health and that we will take it day by day making goals as we go along. When I entered the first goal was getting past the first few days, as most women who have ruptured membranes go into labor within a few days. Then, the goal was to make it from 27-28 weeks. Since I got passed that now the next goal is to make it to Sunday (29 weeks).
So..here is to the journey ahead !
